Love is a Choice

Is it possible that I have not understood love? Yes. I feel so very powerful when I felt I had no power before. I am freed by my choices not held back in the fear of making the wrong one. I have been conditioned. Conditioned to the wrong idea of love. I am very capable of love, of giving and receiving love, of thinking love, of feeling love, of being... love. My understanding of love has been one of fear. I have been taught by a society of lost lovers such as myself that love is only something you get when you achieve the right mark... maybe when you are pretty enough, strong enough, smart enough, brave enough... maybe if you stopped acting silly or stupid or quiet or loud or wore makeup or were in shape or... maybe you could never be all of those things... and then I got lost along with all those well intentioned people struggling with the human existence themselves... and I continued to not understand why I always questioned love. Question... do I know who I am? And if I did would I love that girl? Question... do I love him? What if I don't? What's wrong with me? I have always felt it was out of my control and that I was missing some magic thing and as long as I kept searching for that I was never going to find it. I was looking for some fairy tail romance, some "mr right", some something that would make me better. I have never had answers because how can I answer something I do not understand? But if love were a choice, something I chose to have in my life for myself and others I could give and receive it freely, I could look at myself with understanding because I am me and I could give myself the gift of love as if it were a tangible present given by an old friend. It would be wrapped around me like a blanket as I received it. And then I could choose to love another and he could choose to love me. We could look at each other honestly knowing the flaws of the other but accepting, receiving, and giving love because we chose it.  And if he were to choose to accept my love my gratitude and my kindness and I were to accept his, we could be partners hand in hand giving and receiving accepting and loving. I do not have to be perfect nor does he but its an agreement that when he annoys me and I am not myself, when I get upset over something small and when he doesn't understand me we will choose to accept each other as we are in all of the stages of who we are and that will always be enough. He does not need to spend the rest of my life with me for this to work nor do I need to fear his departure. We choose to do everything in our power to make this love work to grow this love to nurture this love and if it ends we will both know we did everything and its just life. We will know that we chose love.